The Highs and Lows of Pregnancy

Oh, pregnancy. What a beautiful and terrible thing!

First it’s the morning sickness, if you’re one of the unlucky few, this nauseating feeling is the worst! And then comes the part where you question everything you eat.. can I eat this? Am I supposed to eat that? Is this safe? followed by the anxiety of birth that comes from having no idea what to expect during labor. And then the baby arrives… And it’s terrifying. Now take all of that, and add Coronavirus to the end of it all.

But isn’t it incredible? Growing an actual human being inside your body is nothing short of a miracle. It’s an experience that gave me so much joy and admiration for myself, and something that I wouldn’t change even if I could - vomit and strong aversion to still water included (yes, you read that right, I could only drink sparkling water…).

I think the first pregnancy is always the most terrifying - we’re inundated with information from all angles, none of which seems to correspond. Really, I think all pregnant women should be given a ‘person’ to hold their hand and guide them through exactly what to do for their health and wellbeing for the entire 9 months. Because, as much as we love them and as wonderful as they might be, we all know that our husbands can’t do that… I mean, they’re just as confused and overwhelmed as we are!

Morning sickness is a terrible thing. The nausea, the vomiting, and the lack of energy are the perfect recipe for one exhausted momma-to-be! And it’s not just the morning! This terribly-named side effect can last all day every day. Sunrise to sundown. Breakfast to dinner - if you manage to keep either of them down. But it’s all worth it for the little miracle that we are growing, even though sometimes it might all feel like a bit too much.

Doctors, OBGYNs, and Google all have a different response to what you should and shouldn’t eat during pregnancy. This left me second-guessing everything that I thought about eating and made grocery trips twice as long. I mean, does orange juice have to be pasteurized or not? Why does this grocery not have both options?! My advice is don’t go to google to find out, it will just lead you to squirrel away in a solid 9 months of rabbit-hole websites once you start.

Eventually we get towards the end of pregnancy and spend at least a couple of weeks feeling like a BIG swollen ball.. already wanting the baby to come out and be pregnant no more. Imagining the little baby in his bassinet and cradling him already. 

I couldn’t believe that after all this time, soon enough I would be meeting the tiny person that I had been brewing for what felt a lifetime. And I couldn’t wait!

The anxious anticipation of birth is something that I doubt gets easier with corresponding pregnancies. With Ryder being my first baby, I had absolutely no idea what to expect during labor. I mean, we get all of the information we need about the process, but what does it feel like?! That’s something that nobody can tell you, and now I kind of understand why. First, it’s like nothing I could describe, and second, it’s not the sort of information that I feel would empower an expectant mom.

But then the baby arrives…

And what they say is true, for a few minutes I did forget the pain. What I felt was pure joy and more love than I could have ever imagined feeling in my whole life! My baby was finally here!

My son Ryder was born on January 29th 2020, and just a few weeks later we found ourselves in quarantine. They say it takes a village to raise a baby, but I definitely didn’t have one of those. One good thing that I got from confinement was having my husband at home with me during the first few months of our son’s life. But he was just as tired and clueless as me!

I felt the full impact of what people refer to as the 4th trimester - which is the first 3 months following birth. Taking care of a newborn is really scary - I mean, they just let you leave the hospital with a tiny human and you have to keep it alive?! Having no help other than my husband was a real struggle for both of us, but hey we did it!

They say that a baby's needs are basic, and they are! Feeding, changing, and sleeping don’t look like they amount to very much on paper, and sound like nothing more than a holiday. But when this lasts 24 hours a day for 3 months, it gets exhausting. Is he eating enough? How often should I change his diaper during the night? He didn’t breathe for 3 seconds, now I’ll just have to watch him and never sleep for the rest of my life. And i haven’t.

But it did get easier with time. Every day they get a little bit stronger, less fragile, and I learn a little bit more about him as well as being a mom.

I still have so much to learn, and it’s going to be a long journey! But one that I am excited to be on. And to be honest, I’m just glad I can eat whatever the hell I want again!